a new song

i'd like to sing a new song,

but im in a musical rut right now.

i can only sing the ones i know,

and lately not very well.

i need some inspiring,

some honest emotion to channel

into something great.

im stuck,

listening to the same old sad songs

over and over,

because i haven't discovered anything new

in quite some time.

i need to feel something really deep,

really profound.

gourmet cooking?

my new place in the family has a title.

it is

"lacey, could you please make dinner?"

so my favorite thing to do right now

is curl up with my newest book

Dante's Inferno

and a can of cold spaghetti-Os,


while i wait for my chicken to finish marinating,

(in the sauce that i created myself)

so that i can grill it,

then finish it in the wok to seal in the moisture and tenderness.


while simultaneously sauteing veggies and frying tortillas and setting the table.


hooray for fine dining.

fear has a name, and it is

18.

which is the number of years i have lived on this planet as of December 10th, 2009.

i am absolutely terrified.

as a freshman in high school i thought i'd never see that glorious day, (and not just figuratively)

but now,

some 114 days from today,

i become an "adult"

ew?

like i even want to have all that responsibility.

but here it comes, none the less.

smile, you've got reality.

long time no... post.

sup?



i sometimes wonder if anyone even checks this thing.



i sure dont, lol.



so...



a lot has changed



a lot has gone on



a lot has...



well...



transpired.



i am surprizingly chill with everything thats gone on,



on the outside that is.



i can convince myself that everything is fine, and that it will get better,



but during the early hours of the morning when my life choices keep me awake



or when i have another nightmare



everything feels so huge and overpowering



and so



i dunno, daunting?



is that the right word for completely and totally in the front of my mind and i cant seem to forget about it?



or anything?



this is really like,



emo.



which i hate.



really i do.



i'm not emo



or a punk,



or a rocker, scene kid, prep, jock, insert label here,



im just me.

and thats what it all comes down to isnt it?

behind all the clothes and the labels and the styles

we all bleed red.

we're all people.

and thats what matters.

if i get a real CD out, a few of these will be on the cover

two minutes of fame

i am at work on break just now.

it is very...

uneventful.

i feel the need to share with you

my first experience with fame.

friday i played some of my stuff at vinaccios coffee house in marysville,

(where i met someone rather interesting)

saturday i went to the outlet mall.

in zumiez

(the place to go for all your grafic tee needs)

the coolest store i can think of,

an employee came up to me

and said

hey! didnt you play at vinaccios last night?

you were really good!

we had a conversation

during which

i discovered that her friend emma sang the "i have lost my child" song

it was a rather incredible performance.

she then asked me if i'd like a dressing room

seeing as my arms were full of grafic tees.


fame, i am glad to have met you, and i hope we chance to meet again.

a wise person

once told me:

"if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off."

which happened to be exactly what I needed to hear at the time.

thank God for small pleasures

i am

maybe

a little bit

possibly

definately

absoloutly

grounded.



which i totally deserve.

by the way.

*sigh


...it would be so much easier if it wasnt so fair.

its been

a while since i last wrote, and i dont really have much to say

(that will fit)

not much goin on,

(that i have room to talk about)

school started, and i like my teachers,

(as much as you can like teachers)

my class is interesting,

(for a class)

i have incredible friends,

(the ones that put up with me)

my pastor is back from his three month break,

(we're all relieved)

and its pretty boring all up in here.

(at least its not stress.)