gourmet cooking?

my new place in the family has a title.

it is

"lacey, could you please make dinner?"

so my favorite thing to do right now

is curl up with my newest book

Dante's Inferno

and a can of cold spaghetti-Os,


while i wait for my chicken to finish marinating,

(in the sauce that i created myself)

so that i can grill it,

then finish it in the wok to seal in the moisture and tenderness.


while simultaneously sauteing veggies and frying tortillas and setting the table.


hooray for fine dining.

fear has a name, and it is

18.

which is the number of years i have lived on this planet as of December 10th, 2009.

i am absolutely terrified.

as a freshman in high school i thought i'd never see that glorious day, (and not just figuratively)

but now,

some 114 days from today,

i become an "adult"

ew?

like i even want to have all that responsibility.

but here it comes, none the less.

smile, you've got reality.

long time no... post.

sup?



i sometimes wonder if anyone even checks this thing.



i sure dont, lol.



so...



a lot has changed



a lot has gone on



a lot has...



well...



transpired.



i am surprizingly chill with everything thats gone on,



on the outside that is.



i can convince myself that everything is fine, and that it will get better,



but during the early hours of the morning when my life choices keep me awake



or when i have another nightmare



everything feels so huge and overpowering



and so



i dunno, daunting?



is that the right word for completely and totally in the front of my mind and i cant seem to forget about it?



or anything?



this is really like,



emo.



which i hate.



really i do.



i'm not emo



or a punk,



or a rocker, scene kid, prep, jock, insert label here,



im just me.

and thats what it all comes down to isnt it?

behind all the clothes and the labels and the styles

we all bleed red.

we're all people.

and thats what matters.